Be Baby

2006-08-03T10:33:00.000+02:00

So much to say, probably not here
I have so much to say about Bruno.

About his little things, his huge milestones, the way he is clumsily and proudly taking his first steps. The five days of high temperature where we visited the doctor three times. His teeth shining over the afternoon sun. The sockets in my eyes, trying hard to retain the tear pushing out while i write the last note on his preschool book. I thank Ana, his teacher, for helping him grow strong and healthy and happy and independent.

So much to say about Bruno. How i worry. How i grow more confident as days go by. How much he sweats, in car seats and as he falls asleep in his cot. How he pretends to talk. How he asks for water, and a ball. He masters the weeping and whining technique, softly saying ma-ma ma-ma ma-ma and lifting his arms up.

I have a lot to say but i don't think i'll be saying it here. I'm considering moving back into ambivalence, i no longer believe in segregating the information. Thoughts?

2006-07-13T13:20:00.000+02:00

Waterbabs
Bruno has discovered the big swimming pool. And he can't get enough of it. As i slowly walk down the three steps into the water, my legs send me shivering messages and i instantly look at Bruno. He's smiling while i hold him, his body already in parallel with the pool, eager to get in.

He moves his hands gesturing for the pool to come closer to him and i giggle. He laughs with me, pretends to bite my right shoulder. I fix his red sun hat and he lets me do it patiently, as if he knew his reward is about to come. He plunges in and i manage to stop his face from diving in the water by inches. The second time i'm not so lucky, but he noisily blows his lips and nose, smiles again, sings. My own little waterboy.

2006-07-03T22:13:00.000+02:00

The Waterboys Lullaby
I can't sing for the life of me. I sound like a kitten in the middle of the night. Wouldn't recognize a note if you shoved it at my face and announced it. Still, i sing to my baby, as privately as i can.

I've been doing it since i was pregnant, and i was convinced one of the songs i chose at that time would be 'our song'. I did my own covers of 'Pony Boy', by Springsteen, or Kevin Johansen's repertoire. I'm pretty sure i've mentioned this before. Alas, those tunes never stuck, to me or Bruno. It is something else that does the trick.

It's a small soft song called 'In search of the rose', by Irish band The Waterboys. I've known it ever since their 'Room to roam' record came out, and i'm talking vynil, some 16 years ago. It's beautiful and traditional. And the best part is that Bruno closes his eyes and is instantly soothed by the first of the verses, even if it's a cat like me who sings it.

Where will I wander and wonder
Nobody knows
But wherever I’m a-going I’ll go
In search of a rose

Whatever the will of the weather
And whether it shines or snows
Wherever I’m a-going I’ll go
In search of a rose

I don’t know where it’s found
I don’t mind
As long as the world spins around
I’ll take my time

I’ll savour the softness of summer
I’ll wrap up when winter blows
And wherever I’m going I’ll go
In search of a rose

2006-06-30T12:58:00.000+02:00

Easy topic
I'm grateful to say that this week's challenge for Photo Friday was really easy. The theme was 'Happiness is'.

That's what it is. At least at home.

2006-06-29T13:30:00.000+02:00

Eye candy
I was considering getting Muffin a pair of shades this summer, since he seems to loathe the sun in his eyes (which are quite sensitive, mefinds). Now, aren't these Frubi shades really cool? I think Bruno would bare to keep those on, since they seem soft enough, and safe. Hmmm.

2006-06-27T13:32:00.000+02:00

Stretch
Bruno's steps are still aided by furniture, which he clings to for dear life. One of his favourite spots is the tv table, where the sound system is. I suppose he enjoys the spacious area of white wood where he can make his vrooom vrooom cars roar with pleasure.

The day before yesterday, he reached out his arm a little further than usual and managed to stop the CD player.

Growing fast, he is.

2006-06-16T11:01:00.000+02:00

Hands up in the air (he just don't care)
Every now and then, Muffin holds his hands up in the air and then rests them on his head for a second, beaming. 'Head', i offer. He smiles and repeats the process. Yesterday morning i finally understood why.

His kindergarden decided to have their end of year party yesterday. In the middle of the week, at 10 am, under the pouring rain (they were asked to wear shorts, none of us complied). They gathered the wee ones in a same classroom with white tshirts with their hand prints stamped on them.

All of us parents, a composition of handycams and digicams and sighs, held our breaths and tried to feign normality, when in reality we were incredibly moved by our children singing the parts of the body song.

Correction. The other children we singing. Some cried. And our Muffin sat with his back tightly leaned against the wall, staring hard at someone to his left, dead serious, and not moving an eyelash. Even as the rest of the kiddos did the hands in the air and touch your head thing, he just sat there looking grave.

Minutes later, while my mum and i were driving with Bruno back home, he suddenly beamed at me and touched his head twice, lightly, looking inmensely pleased with himself.

2006-05-31T10:27:00.000+02:00

War zone. First encounter.
I love spying on Muffin while he's playing in his room. He makes humming noises, a recently learned brrrrm brrrrm and high pitched sounds. He dances with his shoulders to the music in his toys. He makes his little cars run on the sides of his cot. He nervously tosses away any piece he can't assemble in less than two seconds.

When Bruno plays alone in his room, it is generally time for me to make his dinner and prepare his bottle before he gets his bath. It takes me from 10 to 15 minutes to complete the operation and, towards the end of it, Bruno usually has grown tired of being by himself. He either sings or crys a little and starts crawling to the kitchen, where i'm waiting with an empty tupper and a wooden spoon. The beats of his plastic drum linger on in the kitchen jungle.

Three days ago, Bruno showed up at the kitchen a little earlier than usual. I turned to greet him with a big smile and noticed he was clutching a dry baby wipe. He was wearing the largest grin ever. The kind of face that tells you: "Oh, i've been naughty. So naughty. I've just pulled the biggest trick in my short life. Come and see for yourself". I leaned closer and noticed little bits of something all over his hair.

As i began to realize what had happened, my heart was racing and my brain was trying to decide whether to laugh or sob. We both went into his room. The nappy bin had been turned over. There were probably two very dirty nappies in it. I can't be precise, because the contents we all over half his room. There was shit on the rug. On the furniture. On him. Him. I looked into his eyes and he started giggling. He was so proud of himself. I shrugged, suppressed a smile. Disinfecting war zone took me less than i'd expected. Rubbing Muffin's grin off would have probably taken a lot long.

2006-05-17T09:05:00.000+02:00

Swings, bouncing elephants and dirt, of course
From the First-Park-Experiences set, we bring to you, every Muffin's must-have: The 'I eat dirt trendy t-shirt'.

Although he was sick and softy, Muffin still found some energy for his fourth incursion into a public park yesterday. Now that the weather is quickly evolving from lovely spring to heat heat heat, he and his mates get to spend a lot of time outdoors in daycare. Which explains why he has dirt all over his mouth when i go pick him up.

Yesterday i took him to a little park closer to our home where we hadn't been before. He was already developping a temperature so he wasn't very excited, though he did show a big interest in both elephant shaped bouncer for a while. The downside was that the swing was not baby adapted and he couldn't stay on it.

We went back home, where i took his shoes off and gave him a foot massage that made him giggle. And then i turned his pants around and shook the dirt away from the insides of his pockets. Heh.

By the way, the Dirt clothing comes from here.

2006-05-08T15:42:00.000+02:00

Mother's Day and That's The Nose
We celebrated Mother's Day for a while on Sunday morning. We had a long special breakfast at the 'big dinning table' and i opened Bruno's present. It was wrapped in electric blue paper and it had a silver ribbon around it. It was a paper/portrait holder that sticks to the fridge. It is, of course, glorious. Muffin got very happy when i opened it: i imagine he recognized it from a recent memory of plunging parts of it in green paint. It was memorable.

Both Pablo and i had to work at home but it got very difficult with Bruno trying to pull out the cables from the back of our computers. I felt like my day was slipping by running after him, though i was having as much fun as he was. He is unstoppable these days. He is faster, for one. More curious. And he has developped an adorable habit of dancing with almost any beat, let it be a Britney Spears song (not that he has heard any, i'm giving an example here, people!) or me drumming my fingers on the keyboard. As soon as he recognizes a rhythm, a mild tempo, he starts shaking his shoulders and putting his hands up in the air like he just don't care. I could watch him go forever.

We went for a walk around town and he screamed with joy at some tree tops, he screamed with joy at some passers-by and he yelled at a kid his age who happened to grin back. We came back home and i played the Days of the Week song at the Caillou site, so he danced and screamed with joy some more.

A brilliant Mother's Day in all. And before going to bed, he demonstrated that some of my silly stuff is finally sinking in him, and succesfully pointed his finger to my nose when i said, well, 'nose'.

2006-05-01T14:14:00.000+02:00

Tired and enthusiastic
Since our dvd is broken, i sat Muffin on my lap this morning to watch one of the Baby Einstein videos on the computer. He hadn't seen one in ages and he was instantly absorbed by it. As you can see in this clip, he somehow manages a yawn and a squeal of delight almost at the same time.

By Castpost

2006-04-24T12:39:00.000+02:00

Birthday Number One: A tale in two parts
The first thing i remember of the moment when they placed Bruno on my lap, right after giving birth, is his face. At peace. He moved his lips slightly. He pretended to cry and then gave up. I was lost in the smell of his skin. I remember that. I also remember the beautiful afternoon light invading the room where it all happened. Pablo's expression of concentration as he told me to keep on pushing. When he finally laid eyes on Muffin, he had such a proud and vulnerable look on his face.

Another polaroid from memory: coming out from the hospital into the sunshine morning of Madrid, walking unsteadily towards the parking lot with a four day old baby in my arms, dreading the elevator and wanting to blow all pollution from the city in three seconds. The things you think. The fears you fear. I barely think back on how hard the first days were, with all the bleeding and the pain from the stitches. It has all disappeared.

Fast forward to the first rush to the emergency room because his temperature was really high. The nurse sneered and i couldn't care less. I was careless, as well, of the way i looked most of the times. What a bunch of months rolled into a pile of strangely sized clothes. I remember the nursing with fondness. I still miss it. I don't think Muffin does.

The first trip turned out to be a huge trip to LA, no less. The first long separation happened on my birthday. The first tooth. The first smile. I'm having a bunch of firsts (and seconds) floating around my mind. And yesterday, the first birthday.

:::::::::::::

On Saturday night, a minute after the clock struck midnight, we sneaked into his room and kissed him happy birthday, then kissed each other. It is such a big deal, completing the first year. It's certainly the milestone, both for Bruno and for us, the melting-in-sugar-parents. One year of Bruno and it feels like a couple of months have gone by, even when i look at his size, or when i realize i have a job now, and when i think of the enormous amount of events that have crossed our lives in these 12 months.

We celebrated, as i say, right on Saturday night. We celebrated with him as soon as he woke up on Sunday morning. He was happier than usual, if this is possible. He kept on singing and pretending to talk, he crawled all over the house, trying to eat the discarded pieces of the poster sign we invented for the wall and that Pablo was cutting out on the floor (while i wrapped his pressies).

Celebration continued at KameCafé, with my side of the family and a couple of friends. Little Violeta was there, the owner's daughter. She is half Japanese, half Spanish and therefore looks like a small panda bear with big eyes. She's 15 months old but the same height as Muffin. They are so perfect together, it makes you want to call Annie Leibobitz. On her cell.

We went back home to have yet another celebration, the Official one, complete with lots of food (i baked a teddy bear cake), parcels, and cries of joy. Pablo's father woke up especially at 6.30 am in California, in order to attend Muffin's party via webcam. We fully used our new dining table for the first time, seating 8 adults, 1 baby in a high chair and one grandfather staring from the laptop.

Then fairy godmother Trix and Nick showed up semi-unexpectedly and polished off a day that was both exhausting and wonderful. When most of the guests had gone, Bruno begged for a bath and some sleep in his own style. He stood up about six times in the bathtub but didn't slip, so he kept on giggling in a way that very much made me want to call Annie Leibobitz again and put him on the phone.

2006-04-19T10:11:00.000+02:00

Four days til toddler
A year ago today i had two things in my mind. One, i kept looking at the mirror and thinking i was a beach ball. Two, i was frantically clicking the mouse to find the perfect baby item in the shape of a rug, a high chair or a rocking duck. In other words, i was getting ready. Or so i thought. At the time, i believed i had still a whole week to go before Bruno was born, yet it was only four days til his birth day. 4 little days, and babs will be One Year Old.

I think this means he will soon be reaching amazing milestones both for him and me, and i already picture myself staring in disbelief as he walks (*gasp*) around the room, reaching out to every single item -especially the dangerous ones.

It means he'll try his first words any minute now, though he already goes on and on about mamamamama and papapapa. He's attempted 'OK' and 'ball' as well. I can't wait for him to try 'house', 'dog' or 'discombobulated'.

A year old. That's not even a baby anymore! It's the beginning of toddlerness, right? I'm confused. I'm devastated. I'm proud. I'm happy. I'm one year old, too.

2006-04-16T11:29:00.001+02:00

Legging it
Muffin can stand up with the help of supporting furniture or parent's legs. Yesterday morning (as he did today, and three days ago) he played around while getting up and down, assisted by a chair. It's fun and exciting, yet he does find a wee bit tiring at times.

2006-04-11T11:58:00.000+02:00

Up to you
It's true. Changing a baby boy's nappy may mean the odd jet of pee on the back of your hand, your crisp white cotton shirt or even, who can tell, your left cheek. In order to avoid this, you might want to have a smaller towel nearby. Or, if you feel so inclined, you may want to actually leave your house, get in the car and drive to your local pee-pee teepee retail store and buy one or all of these:

Up to you, really.

2006-04-10T09:52:00.000+02:00

Just a (noisy) idea
I had the chance to chat with Bruno's teacher at daycare the other day. She is a sweet, sensible girl who looks my age. I trust her deeply. We were talking about this and that (Bruno, Bruno, Bruno) and i told her people are asking me already for gift ideas for Muffin's first birthday, coming up on the 23rd. She smiled broadly and said "i'm sorry". After what i would describe as a dramatic pause, she added, almost giggling: "Anything big and noisy will be a huge hit".

2006-04-04T10:07:00.000+02:00

Another first
I haven't seen it yet, but i know it's there. Muffin got his first bump this morning. A true classic: on the forehead after falling off the bed. Our bed. He was sitting/lying/playing there while Pablo got dressed. He turned around for a split second and baby flew to the floor.

Daddy applied some ice, Bruno cried hard. The bump got a little better. It'll match the scratch he proudly displays on his right cheek.

I can't wait to pick him up in... eight hours! :(

2006-03-27T12:54:00.000+02:00

The One In Motion
To match Muffin's fast crawling skills, the Mountain Family have lent us a digital cam recorder. Forget the flickr stills. We're in motion now. And expect some podcasting soon. So far, we have the following episodes: "The One Where Bruno Sings To His Food From His High Chair", "The One Where Bruno Stares At His Dancing Mother In Disbelief", "The One With Bruno Holding His Own Bottle" and finally "The One Where Everyone Blows Kisses". Do stay tuned.

2006-03-23T10:50:00.000+01:00

Toddlerness?
Bruno turns 11 months old today.
This doesn't add. This is a more countdown to T H E Y E A R.
My baby is secretly growing at nights to crawl into toddlerness.
Someone give me my calendar back.

In other news, yesterday Bruno and his nursery gang were encouraged to walk using push along walkers. Muffin loves to walk. He's constantly trying to stand still and he prefers it to crawling. Exploring new angles, i suppose. In any case, i don't know if i'm happy about this push-along technique. I've read it's not very good for balance or strengthening the leg's muscles. Then again, if the nursery teacher believes it's a good idea for Bruno to use them, she'll have her reasons.

Good evening and welcome to another show of Oh The Parenting Dilemma. *round of applause and the odd ovation* Please send your views into the box bellow!

2006-03-21T14:53:00.000+01:00

Box of smiles
His legs are longer, he's heavier, faster and a lot stronger. Bruno is growing at the speed of light and i'm enjoying every minute of it. Even if work prevents me from staring at him in delight 24/7, which, come to think of it, sounds like a good thing.

He now crawls, with one leg tucked inside and pushing with the other one, apparently using both his daddy's and my little niece's style. He also crawls backwards, generally with the intention of sitting down again and having a long look around the room.

He eats everything we feed him and a lot of things we don't feed him, such as computer cords and furniture. He babbles a lot more and dreamily mixes sounds forming song-like themes. He screams with pleasure. He also screams with tiredness or mere rage.

But what Bruno does a lot these days is smile. He's always been a big laugher. Still, you should see him now. He giggles, grins and offers broad smiles about 498 times a day. He laughs when i kiss his belly. He's waiting for someone to collect him from his cot and he patiently sits, making a stuffed chicken move around the sheets, while smiling all along. He catches my eye while his father is giving him lunch and chuckles.

After all the worries, the hospital tests, the weigth issues, i'm certainly gathering all these smiles in a box for rainy days.

2006-03-11T17:12:00.000+01:00

Introducing Muffin, the movie
I love fd's Flickr Toys almost as much as i love this pic.

2006-03-01T12:53:00.000+01:00

Should i stay or should i go
I'm considering shutting this site and transfering all baby content to the main blog.
Thoughts?

2006-02-12T16:35:00.000+01:00

Workin' ma
The evolution with Bruno goes on, all the time, unstoppable, unthinkable, never failing to bring surprises. Muffin, of course, grows. He's tall and slender. Really tall. Not that slender, maybe. He looks older, i think. But what do i know.

At school, everything seems right. He cries when Pablo drops him off at the morning, but he pulls himself together a few minutes later. As usual, he's almost always hungry, with the exception of the odd tummy ache, which happened on Friday. It's so easy to get sick at nursery school. In other health issues, we're scheduled for hospital tests on March 3rd. Bruno has to get an ultrasound and a cystogram (a soft tube is used to inject dye into the bladder) to rule out bladder complications. I try not to anticipate or worry in advance. I just wish he didn't have to go through this, though.

I cross my fingers for luck and health, now that i can't spend as much time with Bruno as i'd like to. I'm extremely happy for having this job, i truly am, but i'm torn from my babs and that hurts so much i can't even explain it.

So now he spends an extra 2 hours at nursery and my mother picks him up. This past week was the time to start adjusting schedules and habits. I broke down and sticked the pieces back a few times. I'm not used to running home for more than an hour (public transport) and find Bruno ready for bath and bed. That's all i get to see of him from Monday to Friday. But i'm hoping my timetable will become more flexible in the future. I'm hoping Bruno will love me the same. I'm hoping. I'm actually believing.

This morning he woke up at nineish and began to play in his cot. I walked over to find him chatting away to his teddy bear and his chicken, making a mess of his sheets and blankets and giggling to his other toys. Now that's the image i'm taking with me to last me until next Friday.

2006-01-30T19:58:00.000+01:00

Staying in
It's not just the runny nose. It's the coughing, the crying, the sense of unease. Poor babs is sick again. Bronchiolitis this time. Must find time to post more here. Still waiting on the test appointments for Bruno, by the way. *Deep sigh with a side grin*

2006-01-20T09:43:00.000+01:00

Ranting
Health issues are such a nightmare. Though i'm very grateful for having a concerned doctor for Bruno, i must confess his constant urge for having him tested is a little overwhelming. Sometimes the results show dormant infections, even if the Muffin looks fine and dandy from the outside, so i will shut up.

After finding a bladder infection that was preventing Bruno from gaining his normal weigth, doctor repeated the tests to see if everything was gone. The results came back with good news. Still, now doctor wants to rule out nasty options in the bladder area. We're going in for an ultrasound and a contrast. We've to go to the hospital. And the second testing, the contrast, is certainly no fun for a baby. No one wants a little tube introduced in your penis, methinks. I just hope everything turns out a slight ok.

Now if only the lady from the health centre would call me and give me the test appointments i've been waiting for the last 8 days...

2006-01-13T18:19:00.001+01:00

Hide my credit card
I've been updating a baby wish list i have on line, since it's not even searchable. I opened it just to keep track of things i'd like/need/love for baby. And while i was doing my monthly surfing i found a few items in Amazon i want to share with you. Such as...

This is the 'Am i cute or what? Dinner's on me' bowl. I love bold yet adorable stuff like that.

I'd certainly like to have this object (along with the scent of fresh coffee) in my hand first time in the morning. Every morning.

Absolute must-have's for next Christmas.

2006-01-13T11:23:00.000+01:00

Silly question of the week
What if Brangelina's baby turns out to be ~~not that beautiful~~ ugly?

2006-01-09T14:27:00.000+01:00

He's out there
Stepping stones 'round the blogosphere. Ah... the pride.

2006-01-02T21:30:00.000+01:00

Muffin out of the oven
The first night without Bruno was a huge event in this family. It was my birthday and we had tickets to go to a concert. The Muffin slept at the Mountain Family House with my mother and the Mountain Family, -including the M&m's, of course.

I used the phone twice. I called right before going to the gig, to check on Bruno's bath, bottle and bedtime, which went fine. And then i called the following morning. No urges in the middle. I thought about him, but i enjoyed our night in town entirely. No regrets, no guilt feelings. Pure fun.

We had booked a room right at the city center, which turned out to be a magnificent idea. After a little walking (not fun: very cold, no like) looking for a taxi and an ATM after the concert, we managed to get in one piece to the Susan Club, a trendier than trendy bar owned by my clever pal Juan. A bunch of close friends (Kurt, Trix, Nick, Dixie plus hubby) joined us for a jolly round of mojitos (mmmmmmmmmmm) and presents (mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm) and i felt as happy and excited as an 18 year old girl on her first night out.

When Juan-the-bar-owner-and-clever-friend-of-Uma came to say hello, he failed to invite me to a round of cocktails as an unexpected birthday present but did comply with an official complaint about ambivalence. You know, my blog. The other blog. The first one. He claimed i've done my fair share of Muffin talking there. He said it was boring. He then regaled me with a grand smile while i was left muttering "you're right you're right you're right".

He is right. I'd thought about it before but the idea was too blurry to alarm me. There's not much use updating my life with Muffin when i have a site completely devoted to Bruno right here. Plus, i'm neglecting the rest of my life. Granted, not much is going on aside from the baby babbling, but i could at least type away on what little non Muffin related events occur.

This baby absorbed mum is slowly pulling out of the nest. That's a resolution. Happy New Year.

2005-12-13T17:42:00.000+01:00

More room
The Muffin is getting bigger, so his cot had to grow with him. As of yesterday, he is currently sleeping in his own room. He has a little trouble catching up with all the changes, but he's doing fine. It is also a huge plus to be able to talk at a normal level with Pablo in our bedroom. Here are some pics of the nursery's new look.

We've won some space with the new arrangement, even if the cot takes up most of his room. I'm considering moving my rocking chair in here, since there's still a lot going on in there at night time.

Recognize them? They're the one and only Strawberry Shortcake and company's Pets. Unfortunately i don't recall their names anymore, but i'm pretty sure the bear is Custard. They've showed up quite unexpectedly at one of the Mountain Family moving boxes. A box of toys from when i was around 10. A treasure. You'll probably see more contents as we move along. For the time being, Bruno likes chewing this small army of pets.

The changing table and the white cabinet have moved back to their original spot. I like the fact that it's closer to the wardrobe, so i can turn around, stretch my arm and retrieve, say, a pajamas, without losing eye or body control over the Muffin. He moves so fast now...

This is the typical shelf you never know what to do with. We've temporarily placed it in Bruno's room to store some of his books and light things. Again, one of my toys is boldly sitting next to Bob the Frog. It's a Fraggle. Also, i've surrounded the shelf with a medieval looking piece of fabric, given to us by some friends to decorate Muffin's castle/room.

Next to the chest is the Jungle Gym, which Bruno plays with almost every afternoon and never fails to be in the middle of wherever you happen to be walking. I'm happy i've found a spot to keep it, safe from my ankles.

2005-12-07T11:06:00.000+01:00

A new identity
As an early Christmas present, Bruno the Muffin got a furry looking coat and wolly red jumper from Sophisticated Mum of Lovely V. She is warmly thanked. You may now call my son Bruno The Ewok.

Note to self: Must refrain from hugging child too much while wearing hooded Ewok coat. Remember poor sweaty head and hair from cuddling yesterday.

2005-12-01T10:54:00.002+01:00

A light matter?
Bruno has not gained any weigth in over a month. He eats ok but he doesn't get any bigger. The doctor seemed worried, so he ordered blood, urine and feces tests to see if he has any kind of infection. Muffin is so young, we must take him to the hospital for the tests, since they won't do them at our regular centre.

This is more or less his eating routine:

Breastfeeding in the morning, before going into day care. We now add some cereal with milk after that.

Vegetables at day care, which he eats no problem.

Fruit when he gets home (which he isn't very good at yet, so i breastfeed after that).

Formula with cereal in a bottle before going to bed, and some breast milk if he fancies it.

Breastfeeding once during the night.

I don't think he's eating less than usual, nor does the doctor, but i'm thinking maybe my milk is no longer as nutritious as it used to be. I'm worried.

The testing is tomorrow. He won't be able to eat anything for 12 hours before the blood test. Wish him luck with the hunger struggle during tonight. I'll keep you posted on the results.

2005-11-23T11:07:00.000+01:00

7
At around 5 am this morning, Bruno tossed in his cot beside me and streched his arms out, saying a very clear (though accidental) 'mama' out loud. I held him and rocked him for a bit before feeding him and he played with a lock of my hair, helped by the little light coming from the street through a break in the curtains. He went back to sleep very fast and very deeply, and so did i.

Two hours later we both woke up again, into the morning of his first seven months of age. He looks happy. And bigger. Muffin is growing up so quickly. And soon enough those 'mama' sounds will be no accident ;)

2005-11-17T13:52:00.000+01:00

Winter lurking
It's certainly getting cold around here.

2005-11-08T13:31:00.000+01:00

Gathering the good vibes
Yesterday was one of those days you long to forget soon. Yet, as usual, this morning everything returned to my mind, full blast in its reality. One of my best friends went through a terrible experience during labour and as a result her baby is seriously at risk. We're told we shouldn't have our hopes up too high. Unfortunately, i'm not a believer. So if you are, please send a little prayer our way. I'm gathering all the good vibes i can and filling jars with them.

2005-11-04T10:31:00.000+01:00

Liking what he sees
Why is it that a baby can spend 15 straight minutes just looking at his reflection in the mirror, screaming, laughing, squealing and being generally over the moon with happyness in the process?

2005-10-31T09:24:00.000+01:00

Solid work
There. He's eating now. So far, he's had a taste of apple, pear, banana, cereal, formula milk, zucchini and a hint of carrot. He hasn't finished his dishes. Not even close. But we're working on it and today we can proudly announce Muffin is really in his solid food age. Can i drop my fork and have a quick nap on the kitchen floor now?

No complaining... It wouldn't look good to say this whole thing is exhausting and i feel my train might derail soon. It would look awful to admit that organizing the baby food plus the breast feeding plus the general baby care is secretly ploughing a tunnel of crazy tiredness through my brain, and i can't think straight for too long.

Don't get me wrong. Looking at Bruno in his high chair, staring intently at the green plastic spoon and then pulling the funniest disgust face when the food touches his lip is both hillarious and beautiful. It's a milestone. It's our baby growing up before our eyes.

But i have to say something. I have to confess. I could do with a good night sleep to recover from the solid (food) work. Or a family chef. Or a shampoo that actually keeps my hair clean. Or maybe the fairies could come visit and leave a bit of self house cleaning magic dust on their way out. Though just the one night sleep would do, really.

Please excuse my moaning.

2005-10-19T10:13:00.000+02:00

It takes some training
No one said becoming a gourmet was easy. The picture illustrates Muffin's first attempt with the banana. Not happy. Yesterday, we had another go. Not happy. I blended it with a little orange juice. He showed a slight interest and then pretended to vomit.

2005-10-10T09:35:00.000+02:00

Biting news
I discovered them on Friday morning. Two whiter than white hiphens standing out in the middle of his lower lip. Ladies and gentlement, the teeth. There they were, fighting back against the side of my thumb in Bruno's mouth.

To celebrate and coinciding with the date in the calendar (almost 5 and a half months old), i decided to let him try his first piece of fruit. The chosen was a pear.

I gave it to him, washed and whole, for a while first. He played with it, licked it, talked to it, whispered. Then i offered him the mashed part. He toyed with it in his mouth for a bit, then proceeded to vomit water and give me odd looks. I figured we'd try it again some other time.

Two days later, i.e., last night, i was ready for round two. While Pablo was giving Muffin his bath plus lotion spa treatment, i prepared yet another pear for him. Pablo held the spoon this time. Bruno pulled the same faces at first, combining them with long body movements trying to avoid the plane of fruit flying towards his face.

After that, he relaxed. And ate.

And finished it. With his two teeth.

2005-10-06T14:11:00.000+02:00

Stepping (mile)stones
This season has started with a few milestones in Muffin's (and our) life. After the Amazing Travelling Child, featuring Bruno flying to and from Los Angeles with hardly an ounze of tears, Baby started kindergarden yesterday. Big, huge step for all of us.

While we were on our trip, i watched in wonder how Bruno was becoming more and more active, sociable and accurate in his moves. They tell me this is what happens after the fourth month: babies stop being basically babies and they turn into complex little rascals, which is way more fun and just as tiring.

He makes a new range of sounds, he giggles a lot, he can eat both his feet at the same time, his grip is strong and able to hold an infinite variety of toys, small objects and plastic water bottles. He still ooohs and aahhs at the site of trees and flowers. If something shiny or glittery catches his eye, he inmediatly wants to hug it. Muffin stuff.

When we got back home, it was time for me to start hunting for a nice job and find appropiate day care. I'm still at the work search but the freelancing has kicked off again, so we signed Bruno up at a very cute preschool whose principal is a family friend. This means a little more confidence. Not a lot, though. But that's the way it goes.

Sure, i would've loved to stay with my baby forever and a day. It would be great to have the money and the time necessary to become a full time mum for a lifetime. Since this option is not applicable to our family now, and i'm not sure i could handle it without a big cost (can i put everything not-child-related away? for how long?), i've been having mininervous breakdowns for the past 10 days, and finally i built up the courage to cut the string between babe and me, at exactly 9.43 am yesterday morning.

Both Pablo and i took Muffin to his first day of preschool. We were nervous. He was sleepy from the car ride. We walked him with the school principal to his classroom. It is called the 'Sheep Class'. It has eight little cots. 8 coat hangers. 8 little squared shelves. And many playmats on the floor. The teacher beamed at us and took Bruno in her arms. I kissed his forehead and whispered i'd be back soon -he only stayed an hour and a half, to get started. Pablo and i thanked everyone and marched out the door. I was crying before i reached that car. Pablo reminded me to sit at the front.

It was sad and thrilling at the same time. I weeped for about five minutes. Then i went to get some breakfest with Pablo. And i spent the rest of the morning and afternoon with Arwen/Ona, who accompanied me to collect Bruno. He was fine. It was contagious. This morning i left him there again. I'm sure the heart shrinking feeling will pass before October ends. Another milestone.

2005-09-02T14:13:00.000+02:00

See ya
We're off. We'll miss you. We'll bring you something. Be good. Bye, bye, Teddy. See ya.

2005-08-31T11:04:00.000+02:00

Impulses
He's got, more or less, enough clothes for the upcoming weeks. He has several coats and hats and jumpers. He has jeans and overalls and winter trousers. He even has shoes to match.

He could do with a couple more toys, since he can't stop admiring everything, and touching, exploring, trying to sponge in all the information in this new world. Sounds. Rattles. Images. Books.

He giggles when shown an image of a smiling person. He talks to the two baby story books he has. He eats his socks. He licks one of his feet. He looks at us and breaks into a huge smile. He tries to grab a glass of orange juice, a key ring, a doll.

There are a few objects he could use and we don't have. That doesn't mean he/we needs them. But we'll be in the biggest shopping center in the world as of next Saturday. The States. Baby boutiques with unexpected gear and cuter than cute clothes. Fun toys. Bright coloured books.

I wonder how many buying impulses i'll have to fight off before i start shopping for an extra suitcase.

2005-08-25T11:07:00.000+02:00

120 days
Bruno is sleeping in his gorgeous wooden cot as we speak. A cot that turned 31 just the other day. Years old, that is. Bruno turned four months old on Tuesday. So today we have an appointment with his doctor, to check that everything is running as smoothly as the frapuccino i had last Saturday.

In these 120 days i've learned that keeping a house clean and a neat baby bottom are not compatible.

I've learned that my shorter hair is a great and practical idea.

I've learned that a baby has the capacity to surprise you every day. For bad and for very good.

I've learned i can be patient.

I've learned i can be very patient.

I've learned how to make spinach and artichoke pie.

I've learned life is an expensive animal.

I've learned i can survive an entire summer in this city and not even come close to getting a tan.

I've learned the words to a new lullaby about a crying child and an apple.

I've learned that keeping a baby blog is difficult when you have a baby to attend to.

2005-08-09T00:39:00.000+02:00

Feet waving
Lunch at the Mexican restaurant next to the newspaper, some time last week. I finally got together and brought Baby into daddy's workplace for proper introductions. Muffin looked and acted smashing. A big thanks to our friend P. who took this and two other great shots with his cell phone, right after tacos. Mobloggin' on a full spicy stomach, you know. Bruno's feet wave to the audience.

2005-08-04T16:27:00.000+02:00

Sky king
It's retro, it's a gorgeous baby blue and it has a catchy name. Considering Bruno had a brilliant time yesterday afternoon pretending to be an airplane/seagull in my arms and looking at his flying face in a big mirror, i think this tricycle is exactly the right state of mind object to keep on dreaming of blue skies.

2005-07-29T14:09:00.000+02:00

Unhealthy pals
I used to declare i hated stuffed toys. But that was before i met these Giant Microbes, featuring the Flu, Sore Throat and the Common Cold, among other unhealthy pals. About a million times actual size. Ah, the good ol' educational toys.

2005-07-28T13:26:00.000+02:00

Strong weakness
I'm feeling so dizzy, it's scary. The heat is shaking all the energy out of my body, but there is something else. I get up fast and, of course, i feel i might faint. I get up slow and i feel i might faint if i do it a little faster. I play with Muffin on his playmat and jungle gym, then i get dizzy after four minutes. A rush of sweat leaves me on the verge of passing out, panting for breath and wondering when it'll all go away.

I go to the doctor after a week. I know i'm not pregnant again, i know i generally have low pressure, i do not know what's wrong with me. I tell her. She gets the concerned look in her doctor eyes. I keep telling her. She asks the questions, does the tests, grins. Wait. She grins? It's the baby, she says. My eyebrows take a trip towards my scalp. He's big and strong, she explains. You're nursing him for dear life, day and night, every time he wants to. He's taking part of your strength and that's why you feel weak.

So all i need is to take the iron pills again. Strong breastfeeding, i suppose.

2005-07-20T11:00:00.000+02:00

Muffin's Mum in Month 3
I can hardly believe I haven’t seen ~~some~~ most of you in three months, but that’s how old Bruno will be on Saturday and that’s how agendas unfold around here for the time being. I miss you. That’s the hardest part. The best is that I am now used to all things new and I know some aspects of this daily routine will eventually get back to square one. The rest, the main core of life being Bruno’s mum, is boldly settling in.

Since the Muffin landed, i haven't been able to have a fairly normal conversation with anyone, except maybe very close family members after bedtime. This also means that i'm constantly talking to Babe, singing, giggling, repeating vowels and making any adult have strong difficulties to keep my attention for over one minute.

I like the fact that i'm getting back to my body shape, even if it's a tired old body addicted to cramps. My arms are closer to looking thin and muscled, just the way i wanted them years ago, and all thanks to a heavy-eating smiling Bruno. Beats any workout. A good chunk of the tummy is still there, making a comfy seat for B. I don't miss the belly. I don't miss the heart burn (which i had never experienced before -what a terrible way to end a meal!) and i don't miss not being able to sleep face down.

I'd like to have a little more colour in my face, and i've been to the pool enough to have a certain tone, but going with Muffin implies sitting in the shade almost permanently. Time to get the self-tanning lotion and campaign for sun protection awareness. Bruno seems to love hanging out by the pool and has proved it by taking a three hour siesta under a pine tree with a mosquito net over his stroller. The very image of summer, from now on.

Three months of baby babbling and long walks. Three months of learning how to cope with home chaos, body hormone mayhem and raw crazyness in general. Three months of staring at Bruno, watching (out for him), predicting his moves and receiving the world from his smile. Three unique months. Ready for the next three.

2005-07-05T10:41:00.000+02:00

Front page news
It started with a soft rubbing with the sponge, two months ago, back when the umbilical cord had barely gone. He quickly passed on to the little blue plastic tub, where we could wash him standing up in his own room and, oh boy, did my back felt grateful for it. But the other day we suddenly realized he no longer fits in there.

So we've taken his water hammock into the bathroom. Muffin Bathtime Hour takes longer and we get to play with him much more. We've even added Mum Duck and the Duckling into the water, thought Babe doesn't seem to appreciate them much yet. He'd rather stare at the pink tiles. And us.

Bruno oficially uses (and luuuvs) the big bathtub now. And that, boys and girls, is front page news in this house.

2005-06-28T13:25:00.000+02:00

The novelties

Health: Bruno had his 2 month check up at the doctor's last week. Everything is going swell, as expected: he eats, he sleeps, he smiles. The little muffin is healthy and seems happy. Except he isn't exactly little. He weights 6 kilos and measures a huge 60 cm. And the ped is slightly worried about the size of his head (cefalic perimetre or something), so he's programmed a follow up next month to see how the growing goes.

Transportation: We have started taking little trips in the new car, just the two of us. Since i can't disable the passenger airbag, Muffin rides on the back, making me stop every once in a while to calm a tantrum, feed him or simply kiss him into sleep. He is getting used to the sound of the engine in the car and the music coming out of the radio, allthough he isn't fond of talk shows. He'd rather have full blasting songs around, like his ma.

Rest: I wouldn't want to jinx this by saying out loud, but the muffin is a great sleeper. He takes naps during the day and sleeps bold long hours at night. Last Sunday he had a 3 hour siesta by the Mountain Family pool, allowing me not only a bit of swimming but a also a very much needed dose of slight tanning. The previous night he dozed off at 11 and woke up at 7 am, thus making me wonder had i drank 3 shots of vodka before nursing. Before i get the hate mail, the answer was no.Just 2 shots. Just kidding.

2005-06-20T10:39:00.000+02:00

Make 'em laugh
Light up your face with gladness / Hide every trace of sadness / Although a tear may be ever so near / That’s the time you must keep on trying / Smile, what’s the use of crying? /
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile / If you just smile (Nat King Cole "Smile")

Just in case you needed a little 'pick me up' on a monday morning. You're welcome.

2005-06-13T12:14:00.000+02:00

Undivided
Waking up at dawn has its charm, especially in the cool June nights, holding a tired baby in your arms. Sometimes i'm even awake enough to lift the cammera into the view from our study, as you can see.

Bruno is sleeping longer hours at night. He's gaining a little less weight but still eating like there is no tomorrow. He goes into full smiles now. I'm expecting giggles any time. He is outgrowing most of his onesies.

Days and nights revolve around Baby. I forget other stuff all the time. A few days ago i decided not to worry about that situation. I'll probably be similar to my older self in a couple of months. Right now i have undivided attention for Bruno. I can't even pour myself a cup of coffee. But i can take nice pictures.

2005-06-09T11:08:00.000+02:00

Men

The boys of my life, this morning.

2005-05-27T17:03:00.000+02:00

Retro Baby
Or how to dress your infant just to produce smiles on the faces of your own generation.

Related articles for your baby, here.

2005-05-25T13:20:00.000+02:00

Catch
He cries increasingly. We sleep a little less. He smiles a lot more, too. Then he sings for a bit, before breaking into tears again. Walking around the house with him helps. Getting in the bathroom and turning a tap on, too. Life with baby is about catching the moments, i suppose. And submitting them to the mirror project, if you can.

2005-05-23T18:42:00.000+02:00

Baby is up to something
Bruno is a month old today. To celebrate it, i've taken him to his doctor's appointment, who tells me Baby might as well grow up to become a strong and certainly tall human being. His 'on demand' breastfeeding seems to be taking him far. Everything else is as fine as i was hoping: sleeping hours, reflexes, vision, hearing, socializing. He smiles with his eyes open now, giving you a pure and huge beaming face once in a while. It disarms us.

He can sleep in some of his three-month-size piyamas and he has already outgrown one of his bodysuits. He has a certain control over his hands, still not totally responding for his arms. He loves noisy toys and his new ostrich puppet. He's starting to fully enjoy his bath. His favourite place in the house is his changing table.

I call him muffin a lot. I still speak to him in English, 90% of the time, which i'm very proud of. He has some wild nights, especially around the sunrise hours, but his sleeping habits can be very good. Make that excellent if his bathtime is long enough. He calms down with music or lingering in his father's arms. He's turning into something. I don't know what, but he's doing it very fast.

2005-05-17T11:59:00.000+02:00

~~Sun~~
Where did spring go? Do i need to get out there in the freezing wind and get Baby B some warm clothes. Or can i just look around while i'm here..?

2005-05-16T11:56:00.000+02:00

Uploading baby
Last night was long. I think i'm getting used to it. Ever since Baby was born, i've had trouble telling one day from the next, not being able to determine if Tuesday ended at 4 am or Wednesday came into my vision right before sunrise. Pablo is having the same problem with weeks. Going from Sunday into Monday doesn't necessarily take him into a new week. Living with Baby erases time concepts.

This morning, after the aforementioned quite long night, Bruno still didn't seem interested in sleeping. His tummy was giving him a hard time and, as the hours passed, i started getting jumpy. So i played the magic song. That's Star Estrella by Kevin Johansen. He relaxed for a while, but it wasn't enough.

Finally, i came over to my laptop, placed Bruno on my lap, and watched him doze off while i typed (with difficulties). When he finally fell into deep sleep, i placed him in his crib and... stared at him in a different format.

See? Even when he's not really demanding my attention, i feel an urge to give it to him, as if the time he grants me when he sleeps wasn't worth taking a nap myself, but rather logging on to Flickr, buying myself a larger account, and uploading my baby non stop.

2005-05-11T11:15:00.000+02:00

Shopping intentions at the toy department

I think Bruno could enjoy this dino's colours and textures. And it will make a perfect spot to lean against while playing, when he grows a little older. But i'll just recycle it as a chill out cushion if Baby is not interested.

I know, i know. I have a soft spot for fake bugs. This ride on wheelie is quickly becoming a must-have.

I used to sing Springsteen's 'Pony Boy' to Baby while i was still pregnant and i love the way he watches me intensely whenever i sing it to him know. So i should probably get him his own pony boy to play with.

2005-05-10T18:04:00.000+02:00

To sleep and then, not to sleep
Bruno and i took a much needed morning siesta today, after a rather long night of weeping, a bit of screaming and a lot of restless animation in our apartment.

Still, i know i'm not really in a position to complain because he did make a good chain of four hours of sleep during the first part of the night. It's the second and last lap he tends to have trouble with.

At first i thought he was just a little jumpy. Then i figured it'd be a wind caught up in his tummy. And now i'm aware that Bruno, at seventeen days of age, is old enough to start having his colic. My sister reassures me telling this should 'only' last till he hits three months.

So i'm calling out. Does anyone know any remedies to alleviate this poor baby's digestions? Use profusely the comment section...

2005-05-06T17:40:00.000+02:00

Cheeks
So Bruno sleeps a lot, like babies are supposed to. Still, he's been having a few waking and crying to the top of his lungs periods since yesterday. Shhh... I can hear him making little noises from the sitting room. I took him to his first doctor's appointment yesterday afternoon. He didn't particularly enjoy it, and decided to pee on the pediatrician. Except he hit me. Completely.

Doctor said he's looking great and informed me that he has gained over half a kilo upon leaving the hospital. That's more than a lot. But he's not planning on a diet. Not that i would allow him. Just staring at those cheeks could eat up my entire day. At nights, i actually stare at the cheeks. And i touch the hands, to check the temperature. And i hold him tight, pretending to myself that it will soothe him. And i feed him every time he asks. Which brings us back to the cheeks.

His grandparents via daddy arrived a couple of days ago from their home in Los Angeles. They brought along a trolley suitcase full of pressies for the new and only grandson. Baby Gap is currently ruling his wardrobe. But brands don't matter, he'll still vomit on anything he (and his mum) is wearing, every day, at around 2 o'clock. I should probably try to predict these things. It would save me a buck or two in detergent.

Must go now. Baby noises are getting slightly louder. I gotta check on those cheeks.

2005-05-03T14:36:00.000+02:00

Notes after Bruno's first week

He smiles by accident.

We dress him mostly in white.

He can sleep up to four hours and gets a lot more excited at night.

I get cranky.

I feel great and not so great. This can happen in the same twenty minutes.

I've lost track of time. Perhaps forever.

He loves flying in his daddy's arms.

I love looking at them both when they're asleep by my side.

Breastfeeding is difficult and exhausting. But incredibly rewarding.

Sometimes i can't believe he's our son.

I have post-partum cravings for (even) healthier food.

He relaxes with the sounds of Count Basie and Coldplay.

He smells like a perfect imaginary landscape.

2005-05-03T14:24:00.000+02:00

Bruno, growing fast

2005-04-27T11:43:00.000+02:00

Introducing Bruno

Here he is. I don't really know what words i should use to tell you about our baby Bruno, because there are so many. I could say it was amazing to finally meet him on a gorgeous Saturday afternoon. I could say we have never been happier. I could maybe tell you about the way he smells. But i don't think words are really necessary right now. Here he is.

2005-04-21T19:14:00.000+02:00

Expect it
I think today was my last pre-labor class so i feel excited and, of course, expectant. Last night i had regular contractions, which has happened before, but after talking to the teacher i pretty much know much when i'm supposed to run for the hospital and when to simply breathe in and out, or change position.

The women in class wished me good luck and said we'd meet again at the parks. It's good to start having acquaintances in town. I realized how lonely my day had been when i started enthusiastically chatting with a girl stretching next to me.

I'm obviously looking forward to seeing the little one's face (and coming up with his name!). Other feelings include a thread of anxiety and a strange laziness. No nesting syndrome for me. I can't find the batteries needed to vacuum the apartment or keep everything as neat as i should. I don't want to imagine how things will look when Baby is around.

Tomorrow at noon i have another monitoring test at the hospital. It may be the regular stuff or i might start kicking fast contractions. In that case, i guess i'll have to stay there and come back home with a baby after a couple of days. Expecting, expecting.

2005-04-20T12:35:00.000+02:00

The mouse goes shopping

Once again, we're window dream shopping all over the net. This is what we see.

Because foam is a great invention. 'Sparkability'

Ducks rock. 'Play Sam'

Alphabet soup on the rug. 'Pottery Barn'

You keep your sponges with the blue rabbits!. 'Nursery Window'

2005-04-19T14:12:00.000+02:00

Adjusting the calendar

A week. Wow.

2005-04-19T13:20:00.000+02:00

I'm a beach ball

So today was supposed to be my due date but a doctor disguised as a Dwalks clone decided, after running a couple of tests, that i'm a full week behind. Baby has no name and hardly a due date. Son of Ambivalence...

I look like i swallowed last summer's beach ball but i'm doing ok. Sometimes i wish i could feel more useful but i guess that's just the unemployment status building inside me. I work around the house and my cooking skills are improving (apple pie or vegetable and cheese quiche, anybody?), and that keeps me happy enough.

I can't remember the last time i wrote something over 100 words but at least i'm back at reading (Tom Wolfe's I Am Charlotte Simmons, loving it) and listening to music: mostly radio still but slowly getting back to the cds. I don't know where the anticultural momentum came from, it may have to do with the pregnancy hormones or something.

It's hard to believe i'm days away from seeing his face. In fact, i can't believe it. Though i can't wait...

2005-04-15T11:05:00.000+02:00

Baby atmosphere
Little by little, Baby's nursery is taking shape. I keep entering the room and glowing. And we haven't even painted it, but it already feels like his space to me.

The top part of this library was lost during the moving so we had to ~~steal~~ 'get' a replacement at Ikea. Trix has the same piece of furniture in her living room, Morgana has it at toddler Lucía's room and we used to have it in the kitchen of the other apartment. Talk about versatile.

Changing area. Again, Ikea ruling. This is the place you go if you want to smell different things in life. I've been warned to cover my face as soon as i take the diaper off. Fun, being a baby boy...

First drawer, new born clothes. Second, 3 to 6 months. Etcetera. I love the sweet scent of nothing that comes out of this wardrobe. I also keep baby's bathtub and other gear in there, as well as the how to books. Not that i remember a single word in them.

Part of the trio stroller, already dressed and set to zoom out to the hospital. It took me a good two months to chose the perfect pram for us and this one seems to be Mr. Right. Less fashionable than some, but light and comfy. After all, it is a stroller, not a scooter.

I'm sure i'll post a lot more pics of this amazing rocking cot. It was hand painted for my friend Ona -Arwen- when she was born. Her twin toddlers have used and now she has lent it to us. Magnificent.

The crib, to be set by my side of the bed. Mum did all the redesigning with new fabric, featuring lambs.

2005-04-14T10:13:00.000+02:00

After the pause
Baby talk gave way to a long baby silence. I'm so sorry i haven't been able to record these two exciting last months of pregnancy. I'm sure it would have been something to treasure for the future days. Anyway. I'm still expecting and i still have this journal, so no more mom-to-be moans.

Updates:

1. I'm currently 39 weeks pregnant and my due date has been shuffled back to April 19th. Yes, i'm a little nervous. Today i'll be attending one of my last pre-labour classes and i'm expected at the hospital for a few tests tomorrow.

2. Liam. That is no longer Baby's name. We realized it's hard for some people to pronounce it in Spain so we're changing. How does Bruno sound to you?

3. Granted, my belly is huge. And some other parts of my body, too. But the great news is that -apparently- i'm not that big. ~~Really kind~~ people keep telling me there's nothing fat in me besides the babyhouse-tummy. You should be able to judge for yourselves as soon as i build up the courage to post a picture.

4. Though every single manual, paperback or magazine tells me Baby no longer has the space to move as usual, ours seems to be taking tango lessons daily. He's a funny one, i think.

5. I feel good. A little tired at times, especially when i realize the regular lack of night sleep i get, but otherwise i'm doing great. Pregnancy is an exciting and brilliant experience. At least for me.

6. Almost ready. He has his clothes washed, ironed and organized by sizes. He has a stroller and a baby carrier and a bath tub with two rubber ducks. He has a beautiful cot and a crib for our bedside. He has a star-shaped lamp in his room and a soft teddy bear with bells inside. Never say ready, but i think we're pretty close.

2005-02-17T19:56:00.000+01:00

Nursery

Liam finally has a home!

2005-02-11T19:01:00.000+01:00

Here's the fire
Nothing as cool and exciting as a bright red retro fire truck, methinks. At least for the parents, that is. Join the nostalgia right here.

2005-02-08T11:57:00.000+01:00

Feng Shui flowing
The New Chinese Year starts today, apparently. There's a huge Chinese community in Madrid. This community happens to live behind our building. The radio says the Chinese community intends to have a blast this evening to celebrate the Year of the Black Horse. Last year was the Year of the White Snake.

The radio tells me this year is going to be brilliant for those who get married and those who have kids. Liam is now protected by a flow of feng shui.

2005-02-07T21:38:00.000+01:00

Before and after
My partner in crime says that there are two types of shops in the world, and that this division only sprung to his mind after we got pregnant.

According to my husband, there are the Before Sex Shops and After Sex Shops. The first category would sell anything enticing, in the likes of Victoria's Secret, the delicatessen stores, Manolo Blahnik boutique or your local pattiserie. On the other hand, post-pleasure shops are the rest: A department store, a hardware shop or the butchers.

This said, i suppose you won't have a problem placing this new magazine from one of my favourite shops in the right category (always according to the man, of course).

Romance always should come first. But you already know that.

2005-02-03T21:52:00.000+01:00

Mum shows off (the baby)

Mum and Liam beam on their 28th week. You can see more of me, me, me over here. I must have no shame.

2005-02-03T10:19:00.000+01:00

Blue eyes on a happy face
I have vivid dreams, as many pregnant women do. Last night i was reading that it's fairly normal to have life-like dreams related to labour, talking to relatives (even if they are no longer living), imagining the baby and your daily life with him or having something go wrong at birth.

Of course, as i put the light out on my bedside i swam off to baby land and got a glimpse of Liam's face in my mind. He looked a lot like his father and, even now, as the second cup of coffee slides into my brain, i clearly remember his (imaginary) features. He had light blue eyes and a long face. He looked great and happy. Apparently, this is my way of reassuring myself about what -and who- is yet to come.

2005-01-31T16:54:00.000+01:00

According to our numbers
And in case anyone was counting.

I'm spending the entire morning at the doctor's tomorrow since i have a test, an appointment and the Liam's last ultrasound. I can't believe i'll have to wait a good 3 months to see him after tomorrow.

2005-01-27T13:20:00.000+01:00

Marathon mum?
From the net, week 27: Around this time, Baby’s eyelids open, so now he is capable of opening and closing his eyes while still inside your uterus! As Baby grows bigger, you may notice some shortness of breath, because your growing uterus presses on your diaphragm and it becomes harder to fill your lungs and breathe out completely.

This is very true. The sleeping part extends to simply sitting down or lying on the couch watching telly: it can be very uncomfortable and tight. But the tougher part is feeling like a big ol' granny, when i try to walk to the store and i arrive completely out of breath, as if i had been running a marathon.

This is when i don't miss my high heels at all.

2005-01-24T19:01:00.000+01:00

Three months to go
I'm embarking on our last trimester now and it feels somewhat hectic when i think about the stroller we still don't have, plus all the apparel we're yet to receive, chose, buy or install. Thanks to fairies such as Arwen a lot of Liam's needs should be perfectly covered, but the not laughable amount of details (clothes, sheets, receiving blankets, bibs, etc.) makes a huge pile in my mind.

It's stressful, but it's a fun kind of stress. Specially when there is already a lot of tension and nerves around other also important aspects of life, such as 'Getting Ourselves a Flat in Escorial, Chapter 3'. I'll keep you posted on this at ambivalence, just give me a day or two.

This last lap in my pregnancy makes me want to have the weeks speeding by and also has me craving for time to slow down. Ambivalent feelings, of course, and as usual. I can't wait to see Baby's face. I can't wait to see how Pablo and I go from being an item of two into a family unit. I really want to hold Liam in my arms. And then, on the other side, i don't want time to rush by so fast.

I've been reading stuff about labor lately. It's imposing. Let me tell you something though, i don't think i'm too scared yet. Labor doesn't make me afraid, but i'm certainly respectful about it.

Some terms such as pain and episiotomy make me a little nervous, but then i look around and i realize so many women have gone through it before me, and so many others will do so after me, that somehow i know i'll be ok. Whatever turn my own labor takes, whether it's natural or cesarean, a little painful or horrid, slow or fairy-tale fast, i must go through it and i will do it as best as i can. We're already starting preparation classes on the 8th. Time, again, feels like it's flowing quite fast.

2005-01-19T20:16:00.000+01:00

Like father, like son

Which is probably why daddy would enjoy this even more than Baby. Very beautiful and cool toys to be found right here.

2005-01-18T21:24:00.000+01:00

Any experts out there?
So we're thinking of getting this.

Does anybody else, aside from us, think we're totally insane (*)?

(*) You may want to check the price.

2005-01-14T22:03:00.000+01:00

Liquid fun
Baby Liam is moving a lot, as usual.

He makes me get up a thousand times every night. He makes me smile in the middle of lunch, or while i try to get a seat at the subway. He gets his father amazed simply by touching my belly, especially late in the day, when i'm lying sideways and Liam starts his little flamenco routine. Or kick boxing. Or limb experimenting. Whatever he's up to in the sweet (did you know it's supposed to taste sweet?) amniotic fluid he seems to enjoy so much. He's having liquid fun.

Of course, i don't know if this means anything at all. Moving a lot in the womb may not imply that Liam is going to be an extra active baby. But the look the nurse gave me this morning while she was chasing him around my body to try and listen to his heart was meaningful.

As my sister says, i guess we'll find out about Liam's abilities in liquid when we sign him up for swimming lessons.

2005-01-03T16:44:00.000+01:00

Baby Blue
I've been mentally shopping again. Good thing i'm into blue anyway. I wasn't aware that surfing for baby stuff was so much fun, and i had no idea there oh so many places to mess around in. I'm not including the links because this is not a wish list. It's only a mental postcard bag. Cuteness for the new year, right?

I love this diaper bag, although i'm not sure it includes the changing extra space. I think it's cool and 'father friendly'. I wouldn't picture Pablo carrying a pinky bag.

Fun giraffe. I plan to go strongly on the animal front when Liam arrives. I love beasts.

Hey, if it's good enough for Liv Tyler's Milo, it's certainly all right for our baby. Seriously, i loved this store. Perhaps a good business idea in Spain.

I'm making a cow toy, inspired in some dollies i've seen that look a lot like these. My cow will only have two legs and will be made of fur, but the original idea was crochet. I need some knitting lessons first.

The best thing of being a kid in the rain is puddles. I'm just mentally preparing for the mud battles.

They call this an 'Ugly doll' at the store. It was love at first sight.

2004-12-29T21:18:00.000+01:00

Red Hot Chili Pepper

He bounces so much inside i feel this baby is spicing things up already. One can actually buy this outfit. A great alternative to the blue, vanilla and white colour baby clothing choices!

2004-12-27T11:33:00.000+01:00

Reminder

Time is rushing by so fast.

2004-12-24T13:11:00.000+01:00

He can hear you now
From the books:
The Baby is getting bigger and continuing to practice for life outside the uterus. This week (22) he has fully developed eyelashes and eyebrows and the hair on his head is continuing to grow as his brain begins a rapid growth process. The fetus has fully formed fingerprints and loud noise can “wake him up”. He kicks and turns around, too.

From the mum:
Liam is trying to become a professional football player inside my womb. I wonder if i should rent 'Bend it like Beckham'. He spins to music, too, so i'm playing little bits and pieces every day. My mum suggested Mozart but all i have was 'The Marriage of Figaro' and i figure that's a bit too much for him. So i play Christmas carrols (i.e., 'Santa Baby'), mixed Beatles CDs and some soft flamenco.

In general, he's pretty busy in there. I wonder if it's all pure expectation from the Santa hassle he hears around him. Happy Christmas.

2004-12-14T18:54:00.000+01:00

5 months

Here is Liam, kicking and swimming and dancing and basically growing inside his mum's five month pregnant belly.

2004-12-13T17:08:00.000+01:00

He
Baby is a Boy. We were told this morning. Almost a 100% certain. Well, Pablo is sure because he got to watch the screen for a longer time. And he saw it.

Baby was sound asleep all along and, no matter how much the nurse tossed my tummy, he insisted on sticking to his 10 am wake up call. I was sent to the coffee machine and was told to drink hot chocolate to see if we could get some sugar to spice him up. Doctor's sweet orders. It worked. Crazy little babe.

Our Baby Boy Liam is on his way to his first spring. I can't stop smiling. I feel like singing Springsteen's Pony Boy. I'm actually humming it to him as i type. Crazy mum.

2004-12-03T20:19:00.000+01:00

Custard apple? Seriously?
Ladies and gentleman, please allow me to proudly introduce my very first true craving! A custard apple! And i get this urge exactly five minutes after the stores close... Can cravings wait a whole night?

2004-12-02T17:49:00.000+01:00

Designer dreams
We saw this cot in the window of a store in Santander a few weeks back and it was love at first sight.

This cot 'grows' with Baby until she/he becomes a Toddler and then a Child. You can divide it into two chairs, or turn it into a bigger bed. I like the lines. I love the simplicity. I hate the price.

Pablo thinks he can build it. I wonder if it's worth the work and the hassle. Or should we just leave it in the (also nordic) hands of Ikea?

2004-11-30T13:19:00.000+01:00

The incredible
Baby is there. We're getting an ultrasound in less than two weeks but i can already tell Baby is in there, moving, swinging, bouncing off the (womb) walls and hopefully having a jolly good time.

After that first time when he/she woke me from my nap on the couch, i've felt that incredibly odd kicking (it's actually more like something solid diving in and out) more than once, especially in bed. Baby likes me to be relaxed so she/he can explore around without interruptions.

On Saturday i went to the cinema with Pablo and Kurt. We watched 'The Incredibles' and i think Baby loved some of the action scenes, because he/she would not stop moving.

I quickly grabbed Pablo's arm in the middle of an extreme persecution scene and placed his hand on my belly. He could feel it too. First time for daddy. Baby did a few flips and turns to honour the occasion. Pure action hero.

2004-11-25T00:53:00.000+01:00

See what i mean?

It's a good thing barneys new york doesn't ship overseas. And it's an even better thing that my visa is thinner than ever.

2004-11-24T17:28:00.000+01:00

Wake up call
Made tasty lunch today (chicken casserole with natural tomato and onion, served with green bean rice salad) and talked to the telly for a bit, mainly answering question about ancient Greece. Pablo left in a rush and i cuddled up in the couch. I fell asleep in about ten minutes, with the soothing sound of TV in the back. And then Baby woke me up bouncing against my belly. Baby's own way of giving me a wake up call.

2004-11-23T19:34:00.000+01:00

Framed
Our baby has been officially framed. At first, the father-to-be wouldn't hear about putting our very first ultrasound in a frame, but the idea has finally grown on him. The picture is currently sitting right behind my laptop, surrounded by orange and wine coloured beads.

The image was captured on his/her 11th week of existence and she/he is going on to week 18th, so things have certainly changed around us in this time. At 12cm crown to rump, baby is large enough to give me a good swift kick in the tummy (or so i read). As for mum-to-be, she's basically tired, relaxed from all the oversleeping she gets, fat, healthy, emotional and wondering if she'll ever get any cravings.

Sometimes i feel time goes by too fast, but most of the days i just can't wait to meet Baby.

2004-11-18T13:30:00.000+01:00

Will someone

... please keep me away from all those tempting baby stores on line before i take the visa out of my wallet?

2004-11-16T19:27:00.000+01:00

Supersizing me (or not)

Everybody tells me i don't have a belly yet. From my friends to the stranger at the spa, all i hear is "four months? you're not very big!". Well, i find myself *huge* already. I lost so much weight in the last year that i can locate each new half kilo in my body. My jeans won't close properly so i've run to the stores and got myself my very first pregnancy outfit. At H&M. Lagerfeld still doesn't design for me!

2004-11-15T18:46:00.000+01:00

Countdown

I opened this blog on August 30th, but didn't have the courage to start feeding it and making it public until today. I wasn't sure what i wanted to say here that wouldn't be told out in ambivalence. I wasn't even sure i wanted to say that much about something so private as expecting a baby. Also, i didn't know if i should write in English.

I was born in Madrid and Spanish is my first language for everything except -for various reasons- my blog. Speaking about my child belongs to the intimate sphere and thus should be in Spanish. But this is an ambivalence spin-off and i do have the intention of speaking English to the baby from day one (or minus 200, for that matter).

Finally, my last reason for keeping this second journal is all the baby-related theme. I understand that, now i'm pregnant, i'm fascinated by the subject and this may not be the case with other ambivalence readers. I think it's a good idea to still speak my mind on these issues and give the baby a chance to have his/her own space in my blogging life.

So here is 'Coming Up Next', a place where i intend to talk about pain, fun, strong emotions, happiness, scary thoughts and this little ball rolling inside my womb.